Every Thanksgiving, my husband and I beam across the table at each other, thankful for our lovely family, our health and our good fortune, completely unaware of the “What I am thankful for” comments soon to emerge out of our children’s mouths. After six kids and almost 17 years of parenting, you’d think we would see it coming. The names have been changed and the grammar corrected in hopes of protecting their future college admission chances.

• I am thankful that mom didn't make tuna casserole again (this statement prompted a lot of head nodding around the table).
  
  
• I am thankful that no one saw me give grandma's Turkey Liver Paté to the dog (which made me thankful that she didn't have her hearing aid turned up).
  
  
• I am thankful that my friends are suffering the day with their families, too (as you may have guessed, the author of this little tidbit is female, 14 and disgruntled with the world).
  
  
• I am thankful that I don't have to sit by Jamie (not a nice thing to say, but in her defense, Jamie likes to sample food from other people's plates).
  
  
• I am thankful that we don't have school today (after a morning of referring fights over the remote control, I’m not sure I share this sentiment).
  
  
• I am thankful that I can see the game on TV from where I am sitting (we traded seats shortly thereafter).
  
  
• I am thankful that the new Sega Genesis Game System is available at Target for only $229.99 this holiday season (never too early to put in your Christmas order when the grandparents are present).
  
  
• I am thankful for such a great family and good food (she was angling for a bigger slice of the pumpkin pie).
  
  
• I am thankful that I don't have to do the dishes (she was just rubbing it in, if you ask me).
  
  
• I am thankful for mommy and daddy (aawwww, and she was so cute when she said it, too).
  
  
• I am thankful that no one caught Laney sneaking a spoon of whipped cream, because she would have gotten in big trouble (Creative Tattling 101).
  
  
• I am thankful that Jamie doesn't wet the bed anymore (you can say that again).
  
  
• I am thankful for our new kitten (I might have seconded that if the kitten hadn't have been using my leg for a scratching post at the time).
  
  
• I am thankful for our new neighbors (he only says that because they have a teenage daughter).
  
  
• And from mom... I am thankful that my mother-in-law didn't insist on coming over at 4 AM to help me cook, that I remembered to remove the giblet pouch before stuffing the turkey this year, and that no one saw me feed Grandma's Turkey Liver paté to the dog, either.

Kellie Head is a mother of six and wife of an insane Christmas assembler. She is also the Publishing Editor of ParentingHumor.com. Email Kellie at editor@ParentingHumor.com