Winning in Domestic Court - Quick and Easy Cooking -

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Winning in Domestic Court - Quick and Easy Cooking

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By Leanne Ely

Posted November 2nd, 2007

Leanne Ely is the author of Saving Dinner Basics: How to Cook Even If You Don't Know How, (2006, Ballantine Books)

Saving Dinner Basics: How to Cook Even If You Don't Know How

The Dust Bunnies and Cobwebs met today in domestic court and decided that I was an unfit housewife. I argued my case eloquently, yet I was still thrown out on my ear. "Mr. Dust Bunny," I plead, "I have made progress--I just learned this year that the dryer is not a storage unit for clean clothes and clean towels aren't screamed for from the shower anymore. Doesn't that count?"

"Ms. Ely, this session isn't being held to discuss your laundry. It's about the dust," said the Dust Bunny judge, severely.

"Oh that," I countered. "Well. let's talk toilet bowls then. I've got a very clean toilet bowl. I swish it everyday. I have men in my house."

"Perhaps the Dust Bunny hasn't made himself clear," interjected a very perturbed Cobweb. "We want to discuss your dust and the cobwebs."

"Do you understand why we are somewhat disgruntled, Ms. Ely? You can't make up your mind. Sometimes, you give us an invitation to your house and don't disturb us for weeks. Dust Bunnies make homes and raise their young, the Cobwebs teach their little Cobwebs how to build in unnoticed corners. Other times, you race through the house in a cleaning frenzy and evacuate us, disturbing our homes, scattering our families, treating us like refugees. What will it be, Ms. Ely. Do you want us or not?"

"Gee, I've never thought about that way. You see, sometimes I am busy and I can't deal with you and pretend you're not there and other times I've met my deadlines and that's when I get out the vacuum and broom," I offered.

The court room shuttered when the words "broom" and "vacuum" were spoken--the very weapons of annihilation the Dust Bunnies and Cobwebs feared most. "Let's get one thing straight, guys," I said, finally realizing my power. "I'm training my kids to use the VACUUM and the BROOM and the house is MINE, not yours!

This summer, they're taking over and it won't be pretty. I have some other tricks up my sleeve too, other chores like FEATHER DUSTING and you're not welcome here!"

Slamming my fist emphatically on table, I sat down defiantly. The court room buzzed with confused, frightened chatter and audible gasps till the Dust Bunny brought the room to order. "Enough!" he hollered, while banging his gavel mercilessly. "I've heard enough. Get her out of here--case dismissed! Bring the next case. The People vs. Heloise. Helpful hints, she says.bah!"

After a day or so of recuperating from the trauma in domestic court, I came to a new understanding of domesticity. The taming of a messy family is a team event--not a solo performance by Super Mom. And dismal failure in the dust busting department is not the end of the world. Besides, there is always hope of redeeming yourself in the kitchen.

Knowing that food has a way of soothing even the most savage of beasts, you might try my easy recipe for Garlicky Chicken Salad if you're in the midst of taming unruly Dust Bunnies and prolific Cobwebs.